Finding Balance: Strategies for Juggling Work, Family, and Self-Care

“It is better to start with a true acceptance of the dark,” is one quote from the monk, writer, poet, and theologian, Thomas Merton’s many, many quotes. The question is though, “What is the dark in these peculiar times?  If we understand the dark as fear and anger, primary and secondary emotions that go hand in hand, we can prevail.  Widespread anger is pervading our psyche. This unchecked anger is back in the news again with vengeance, retaliation, and a sense of self-righteousness. How do we accept this dark side of anger at this point in our human consciousness? Have we as sentient beings progressed at all?

By accepting the dark as Thomas Merton stated is not by agreeing but by recognizing that fear and anger are more evident now and need to be addressed. Anger is triggered by fear, frustration, embarrassment and feeling disrespected. “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it,” Nelson Mandela proclaimed. We need heroes and heroines to stand up to this dark side of anger before toxic anger becomes the norm.

Toxic anger is spreading and contributing to more violent and risky behaviors, and is damaging relationships with families, friends, colleagues, and even world allies. Toxic anger syndrome, (IED), intermittent explosive disorder, involves frequent reckless outbursts of anger which can be verbal or physical and are disproportionate to the situation that triggered the subject.

The denial of these dangerous patterns leads to vicious behaviors in all aspects of life and gives permission for abuse to continue and become accepted as a normal way of coping. By defining and not ignoring this grave problem can be a big step.

From the Japanese proverb “Fear is only as deep as the mind allows” and from the Chinese, Taoism, (dau ism) the recognition of the pattern of duality emerges in a simple understanding of yin-yang as the unity of opposites. It first appeared in the 4th Century with the purpose of leading a healthy, orderly life which is open to positive change and awareness that can restore balance to mental well-being.  Unity though is a key word here. Anger and fear disrupt this unity. The yin-yang symbol depicts a white paisley symbol with a black dot as yang, order, masculine, day, the known. The yin symbol, a black paisley symbol with a white dot represents disorder/creativity, femininity, night, the unknown…all within a closed circle.  The dots show yang within yin and yin within yang. Neither yin nor yang can exist on its own. Yin-yang stresses balance and harmony between opposing forces.

A balanced state of yin-yang acknowledges the positive aspects of anger, addresses the abuse, focuses on the problem, and brings light to negative situations by acknowledging the courage to address toxic/unhealthy conditions for oneself, one’s family, the community, and society.

 Yin-yang balance can lead to a healthy life that is open to constructive changes and restores physical, mental, and spiritual health.  Prayers, meditation, mantras, aphorisms, homilies and more help maintain this balance in these fractious times and reveal an insight into the acceptance of the dark.

I still have hope.  As George Carlin said, “I’m not a pessimist; I’m a disappointed idealist.”